Emetophobia and the Stomach Virus

It happened. I got the stomach flu. Sorry if I get a little graphic, but I need to.

As someone with emet my biggest fear, or so I thought, was throwing up. I hate to be sick, I hate to be around anyone who is sick, and I hate to have the panic attacks associated with my fear of vomit and vomiting.

So on Wednesday night I got a horrible stomachache. I chalked it up to heartburn, after all I am pregnant and often have a little acid reflux. I went to be that night at 8:30 which for me, an insomniac, is REALLY early. I never fall asleep until at lease one am.

Thursday the tummy trouble was still there. I went to my OB for my bi-weekly appointment and mentioned to him that I had horrible heartburn. He said it is only going to get worse as the pregnancy continues. Great I thought, but he gave me permission to take Zantac so that was a good thing. Throughout the day I started having to go to the bathroom a lot, but I figured the heartburn was triggering that. I had a normal appetite and had to take care of a two year old so I would just go about my day, pick up some Zantac and all would be well. Then I started having a bout of diarrhea. I still chalked it up to the heartburn. The Zantac was not working after taking two doses, but again I am pregnant so nothing out of the ordinary, right?

I went to bed again on Thursday at 8pm. I felt so awful I couldn't cope. I just wanted to sleep.

Friday morning I thought I was okay. I was done with my intestinal problems, and just needed a little more Zantac. I took my daughter and her friend to a play date. I was talking with the girls at the playgroup and felt really queasy, again this was just morning sickness, no biggie. I held it all back and got a pop from my friend and did not get sick at her house. I get the dry heaves all the time with this pregnancy so no biggie.

Driving home from the play date I started gagging and began to trow up in my car. I was trapped. I have not thrown up from being sick since I was six years old. Seriously, six years old. I have had food poisoning and dry heaves from drunken evenings in college, but the stomach virus, well I don't get it. If I do I can talk myself out of vomiting, I always can.

Funny thing is as I was vomiting I was not having a panic attack or trying to stop it. I just let it happen. I needed it to happen. I still didn't think I was sick. I mean I am pregnant, but I know when I am getting morning sickness. I can make it to a bathroom or sink, I am in control of my morning sickness. This was so awful that I could not even pull my car over. I lost all control.

I got home and took the kids out of the car. I immediately called my husband to tell him to come home. I also called my daughters friend's mom because I could not take care of him any more. I hated the fact that I had to have her come home from work, but I needed to rest and deal with this.

I went to bed after she picked him up and tried to recover. I was still sick, this was not just the pregnancy. I couldn't eat, and keeping water down was not even happening. I just wanted something to make it all stop. I called my doctor and they said it sounded like the stomach virus that is going around and there was nothing that could be done. Ugh.

I rested and tried to eat a little unsweetened applesauce, which ended up coming up after a few minutes. I went back to bed. About an hour I decided that I needed to take my Zoloft. I needed to make sure I had it in my system to get through this thing. Well that did not work. I ended up getting violently ill and my husband ran upstairs to try and take care of me.

It was the worst and I thought it would never end. I again did not have a panic attack, which was shocking, but a happy relief. I decided to eat something and go to bed for the rest of the night and the majority of the next day. fortunately I was able to keep the dried toast that I ate down and the ice chips. I was convinced that I needed to go to the hospital, but by eight in the morning the next day, although I was very achy and feverish I was done vomiting.

I slowly recovered over the course of the day and tried to explain to hubby that I hadn't been sick like that since I was six years old. That is twenty-seven years without throwing up from a stomach virus. A pretty normal stretch of time for an emet.

I survived it. I am still a little panic when my tummy starts to hurt from normal pregnancy things. My husband had to clean up my car, and I still think I have emetophobia. I always thought if I got sick and survived it I would be over this fear. I doubt this is the case, but at least I know I will not die from having the stomach flu.