We all have fears. Some of us have more fears, or greater, or different fears. The fact still
remains. All of us as human beings experience fear and much of that fear is longstanding fear. Fear is
the stuff of phobias and anxieties. I’ll tell you a little of my story about one of my fears. At some point when I was younger, maybe around 12, I realized I had a fear of physically getting sick, more specifically, throwing up. I hated it and would find myself fixated on what it was like to be sick again, if I ever would get sick again, and what I would do to avoid being sick in the meantime. I think somewhere in my 12 year old self I realized that my thinking and behavior was irrational. Right down to the obsessive hand washing and complete avoidance of those who even “might” be sick. As I entered high school, with a new world of change and experiences, my fears diminished quite a bit. My obsessive thoughts stopped. This isn’t to say that I didn’t still wash my hands and avoid people who were sick, because I did. What changed for me was that I was establishing control in my life as a young adult. It was that control that enabled me the freedom from the overwhelming obsession I had dealt with as a child. I was able to keep my phobia at bay and under control through college, 8 years in the Army, living in different cities, exposed to different environments and different countries. I was living my life as free as I had ever lived it. This freedom I experienced didn’t last.
I’m now 36 years old. I’ve been a licensed mental health therapist for almost 3 years and have
been working in the mental health setting for almost 6 years. I’m the happiest I have ever been and part of that happiness is because my wife and I brought our daughter into the world in November of 2011. She’s the highlight of every day and a pivotal reason for any change I have made in my life recently. She’s also the reason my emetophobia has returned (I’ll get to explaining why). It returned last winter just after her birth. I didn’t even realize what was happening. Then spring time came, and then summer nd I was better, but still not great. (I tend to tie in fall and winter months with fearing getting sick). Then, of course, the cooler weather and shorter days returned this past fall, endless facebook posts of people with norovirus, and with it all of my ruminating and obsessing.
A few weeks ago I did something I have never done. I told someone I have this phobia of being
sick. I told my wife, Karen. I’ve been so embarrassed about this coming back that I had forgotten that
talking and sharing can be one of the best remedies out there. Luckily she didn’t think I was crazy or
weird for coming out with this admission (one of the many reasons I married her). When I opened
up about my phobia, my fears, and even the mild anxiety attacks I was having, I realized something.
My daughter was a huge reason for the return of my emetophobia. Not only that but I realize my
emetophobia is a direct result of “losing control” or “not having control”, or even simply “letting go”
(For me vomiting is the absolute definition of “losing control”, only 2 nd to dying in my mind). I had never had to take care of another human being before. There was no rhyme or reason for the crying, the fussing, or the agitation. There was also no answer for me how to fix it. I’ve always been a “fix it” guy as some of you are probably “A type” personalities. I certainly know now that there are times where you can’t stop a baby from being a baby. There are times I just cannot have control. For the first time in my life I was faced with having to complete turn to faith, trust in myself, and let go. I had made it through 8 years in the Army, 1 tour in Iraq being shot at, and college for 2 degrees. Here was this little innocent, perfect human being was the reason for my undoing. She has completely leveled me in every way, both good and not so good.
I would bet that it is probably safe to say that you, just as I, have other areas of your life where you fear not having control. Whether it’s being a parent, facing death and losing a loved one, dealing with relationship issues, or maybe fearing physical injury. There are endless areas of our life that we can have fear, and/or anxiety, from losing control. Emetophobia is no different. In fact, I would argue that working on all issues of control in your life will not only help you as a whole person it can certainly help your emetophobia.
So what can we do to get this phobia back in check or maybe in check for the first time? The
first, and most important, step is to empower yourself. (Writing this blog post for me has been
extremely empowering and therapeutic). Since the essence of fear is the loss of empowerment, we
must empower ourselves. Realizing that every single person has the ability to deal with this phobia, as nobody died yet to my knowledge, we must believe in ourselves that we can make our situations better. Not only can we make things better by empowering ourselves and improving our emetophobia, we can improve our lives. We can actually learn a lot from dealing with this.
The following are my ways to find my center, balance, and peace:
1) Finding a way to relax is a great way to take your control back. Getting involved in
meditation practice, or yoga, is a sure way to teach your mind and response systems to relax
and “let go”. So, in a way, we’re almost “letting go” to take control back. I hope that makes
sense.
2) I’m an avid exerciser. I’m also very consistent with meditation, and I do yoga once a week.
I’ve noticed that physical activity is crucial for me to maintain my immune system health.
Just enough exercise to maintain strength and balance. Too much will cause fatigue and
actually lower your immune system’s capabilities.
3) Keep your routine as much as possible. Stay busy with the things you need to do, as well as
the things you find rewarding. Simply doing nothing and “over relaxing” in the past for me
has led to feeling “out of sorts” and then sometimes becoming ill with whatever it might be,
a cold, the flu, etc.
4) Turn off the news. The news seeks for our attention. A lot of our attention is based on fear
and/or terrifying situations or events. 5-6% of the population will get norovirus this year.
94% won’t. Focus on the positive.
5) See a counselor. I do. It’s done great things for me. This therapist sees a therapist. It’s
healthy for everyone to process emotional issues. Excess stress and bottled up emotion are
not healthy in the long or short term.
6) Learn to be happier. Being happy is the best medicine for anything. Find the things you love
to do and work them into your life. It’s all about balance!
7) Try a different perspective. Recognize that this fear, called emetophobia, while it might
seem like an insurmountable monster is actually the key for many of us to unlimited growth
and change if we try and see it that way.
Remember change takes change. The moment we begin to change our own reality is the very
moment we move closer to not letting this phobia control us and our happiness. I hope in sharing my
experiences and thoughts you might find some new insights that can help you live freer, fuller, and
happier. The catalyst for any solution or lasting change will always come from within. I wish you all the best.
John
remains. All of us as human beings experience fear and much of that fear is longstanding fear. Fear is
the stuff of phobias and anxieties. I’ll tell you a little of my story about one of my fears. At some point when I was younger, maybe around 12, I realized I had a fear of physically getting sick, more specifically, throwing up. I hated it and would find myself fixated on what it was like to be sick again, if I ever would get sick again, and what I would do to avoid being sick in the meantime. I think somewhere in my 12 year old self I realized that my thinking and behavior was irrational. Right down to the obsessive hand washing and complete avoidance of those who even “might” be sick. As I entered high school, with a new world of change and experiences, my fears diminished quite a bit. My obsessive thoughts stopped. This isn’t to say that I didn’t still wash my hands and avoid people who were sick, because I did. What changed for me was that I was establishing control in my life as a young adult. It was that control that enabled me the freedom from the overwhelming obsession I had dealt with as a child. I was able to keep my phobia at bay and under control through college, 8 years in the Army, living in different cities, exposed to different environments and different countries. I was living my life as free as I had ever lived it. This freedom I experienced didn’t last.
I’m now 36 years old. I’ve been a licensed mental health therapist for almost 3 years and have
been working in the mental health setting for almost 6 years. I’m the happiest I have ever been and part of that happiness is because my wife and I brought our daughter into the world in November of 2011. She’s the highlight of every day and a pivotal reason for any change I have made in my life recently. She’s also the reason my emetophobia has returned (I’ll get to explaining why). It returned last winter just after her birth. I didn’t even realize what was happening. Then spring time came, and then summer nd I was better, but still not great. (I tend to tie in fall and winter months with fearing getting sick). Then, of course, the cooler weather and shorter days returned this past fall, endless facebook posts of people with norovirus, and with it all of my ruminating and obsessing.
A few weeks ago I did something I have never done. I told someone I have this phobia of being
sick. I told my wife, Karen. I’ve been so embarrassed about this coming back that I had forgotten that
talking and sharing can be one of the best remedies out there. Luckily she didn’t think I was crazy or
weird for coming out with this admission (one of the many reasons I married her). When I opened
up about my phobia, my fears, and even the mild anxiety attacks I was having, I realized something.
My daughter was a huge reason for the return of my emetophobia. Not only that but I realize my
emetophobia is a direct result of “losing control” or “not having control”, or even simply “letting go”
(For me vomiting is the absolute definition of “losing control”, only 2 nd to dying in my mind). I had never had to take care of another human being before. There was no rhyme or reason for the crying, the fussing, or the agitation. There was also no answer for me how to fix it. I’ve always been a “fix it” guy as some of you are probably “A type” personalities. I certainly know now that there are times where you can’t stop a baby from being a baby. There are times I just cannot have control. For the first time in my life I was faced with having to complete turn to faith, trust in myself, and let go. I had made it through 8 years in the Army, 1 tour in Iraq being shot at, and college for 2 degrees. Here was this little innocent, perfect human being was the reason for my undoing. She has completely leveled me in every way, both good and not so good.
I would bet that it is probably safe to say that you, just as I, have other areas of your life where you fear not having control. Whether it’s being a parent, facing death and losing a loved one, dealing with relationship issues, or maybe fearing physical injury. There are endless areas of our life that we can have fear, and/or anxiety, from losing control. Emetophobia is no different. In fact, I would argue that working on all issues of control in your life will not only help you as a whole person it can certainly help your emetophobia.
So what can we do to get this phobia back in check or maybe in check for the first time? The
first, and most important, step is to empower yourself. (Writing this blog post for me has been
extremely empowering and therapeutic). Since the essence of fear is the loss of empowerment, we
must empower ourselves. Realizing that every single person has the ability to deal with this phobia, as nobody died yet to my knowledge, we must believe in ourselves that we can make our situations better. Not only can we make things better by empowering ourselves and improving our emetophobia, we can improve our lives. We can actually learn a lot from dealing with this.
The following are my ways to find my center, balance, and peace:
1) Finding a way to relax is a great way to take your control back. Getting involved in
meditation practice, or yoga, is a sure way to teach your mind and response systems to relax
and “let go”. So, in a way, we’re almost “letting go” to take control back. I hope that makes
sense.
2) I’m an avid exerciser. I’m also very consistent with meditation, and I do yoga once a week.
I’ve noticed that physical activity is crucial for me to maintain my immune system health.
Just enough exercise to maintain strength and balance. Too much will cause fatigue and
actually lower your immune system’s capabilities.
3) Keep your routine as much as possible. Stay busy with the things you need to do, as well as
the things you find rewarding. Simply doing nothing and “over relaxing” in the past for me
has led to feeling “out of sorts” and then sometimes becoming ill with whatever it might be,
a cold, the flu, etc.
4) Turn off the news. The news seeks for our attention. A lot of our attention is based on fear
and/or terrifying situations or events. 5-6% of the population will get norovirus this year.
94% won’t. Focus on the positive.
5) See a counselor. I do. It’s done great things for me. This therapist sees a therapist. It’s
healthy for everyone to process emotional issues. Excess stress and bottled up emotion are
not healthy in the long or short term.
6) Learn to be happier. Being happy is the best medicine for anything. Find the things you love
to do and work them into your life. It’s all about balance!
7) Try a different perspective. Recognize that this fear, called emetophobia, while it might
seem like an insurmountable monster is actually the key for many of us to unlimited growth
and change if we try and see it that way.
Remember change takes change. The moment we begin to change our own reality is the very
moment we move closer to not letting this phobia control us and our happiness. I hope in sharing my
experiences and thoughts you might find some new insights that can help you live freer, fuller, and
happier. The catalyst for any solution or lasting change will always come from within. I wish you all the best.
John
5 comments:
John, THANK YOU so much for sharing your story! In all honesty, and after 38 years of being emetophobic myself, I don't think I've ever heard of a man having this, and there's something sort of comforting about that to me (weird, I know, and I'm sure you wish you DIDN'T have it!). I really thought it was kind of a "female issue" for whatever reason! What's more likely the case is most men aren't brave enough to admit it, and I admire that you did so!
I also find your willingness to work through it very inspiring, and I wholeheartedly agree with your methods. I meditate, exercise as often as work allows, push myself as much as I can, going to places I'm afraid of, doing things that I'm afraid will get me sick. Each "emet victory" is one step closer to overcoming this crazy phobia.
Wish I would find a therapist who understands this phobia the way the author does. Thanks for the tips!
Great post! Thank you for sharing!
Love this! Great advice!
Thanks for sharing!! My daughter, also, has caused my emet to sky rocket.
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